SteveL Knievel Stunt Forum

Vote for Mandy

2010-06-26T17:08:00.000-07:00

Vote for Mandy as she tries to get her own talk show on the Oprah network. Click it and vote: http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=add_video&entity_id=208264307

Bjork in 3-D

2008-04-01T12:20:00.000-07:00

Check out this great interview with Bjork from the New York Times about her 3-D music video for Wanderlust.
http://video.on.nytimes.com/?fr_story=cae6cd1d56ad61cd2686baeba62701d9f7a8d2ae

Run Like an Antelope, Adidas Style

2008-03-28T16:28:00.000-07:00

How Many 5-Year-Olds Could You Take In A Fight?

2007-12-21T09:46:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, most of us will never know just how many 5-year-olds we could take in a fight. But, now you can at least get a rough idea with the new virtual test that asks you a series of questions to find out just how many little shits you could pummel. Here's my count:

26

Find a Ultrasound school near you

Evel Knievel Dead at 69

2007-12-01T11:44:00.000-08:00

Evel Knievel died yesterday, the last day of November 2007. It was a sad day for Evel Knievel and SteveL Knievel fans alike. He had been suffering for years from diabetes and pulmonary fibrosis and finally gave in on Friday. Evel Knievel suffered nearly 40 broken bones before retiring in 1980. SteveL Knievel fans will, on the other hand, be pleased to know that he is still alive and kicking.

Knievel had undergone a liver transplant in 1999 after nearly dying of hepatitis C, likely contracted through a blood transfusion after one of his bone-shattering spills. He also suffered two strokes in recent years.

Longtime friend and promoter Billy Rundle said Knievel had trouble breathing at his Clearwater condominium and died before an ambulance could get him to a hospital.

"It's been coming for years, but you just don't expect it. Superman just doesn't die, right?" Rundle said. I thought we were talking about Evel Knievel here... and didn't Superman die a couple of years ago?

"I always wanted to live to about 70. I thought that'd be a good age," Knievel said in an interview with Vanity Fair for a story that will run in the February issue. "I have my tombstone already. A tombstone company in the East gave it to me when I jumped Snake Canyon. My plot is in Montana.

"All my life people have been waitin' around to watch me die. But I'm still here. I really think that there is a hereafter and this is just a testing ground. Years ago I was just helter-skelter. I defied death. And I'm still doing it -- only from a bed instead of a bike. There's just no quit in me. There's just no stopping me. I went through life big-bang-bada-boom-bada-boom. Now it's just bing, but I'm still Evel Knievel. I am. There's just nothing you could do to stop me." Rest in peace ol' buddy. Rest in peace.

Me and Bootsy Are Like This!

2007-01-23T15:57:00.000-08:00

Went to the NAMM (National Association of Music Merchants) conference in Anaheim last week to support a friend of mine who owns Henriksen Jazz Amps. Find out more about them here>>. Anyway, while I was hanging out at the booth, my wife came back from walking around the convention center and said she had seen some dude hanging out at one of the booths who looked like a pimp and was surrounded by a mob of fans looking for autographs. I couldn't think of who she might be talking about, so she brought me over to see who it was... and there he was, looking very much like a pimp: Bootsy Collins! I couldn't believe it. And after much prompting on my wife's part, she convinced me to walk up to him to get a photo. We shook hands and I told him that meeting him was better than meeting Santa Claus, to which he replied, "Christmas in January! Yeah!" Cool guy. And thanks Mandy for making me get a photo with the Man!

Iceland: The Coolest Hotspot in the North Atlantic

2007-01-23T15:35:00.000-08:00

I recently took a week-long trip to Iceland with my wife for our one-year anniversary, and besides a whole lot of memories and good times I also cranked out a travel story that was published this month in The Green Magazine, a golf magazine out of New York.

The trip was truly amazing complete with bathing in hot springs, camping under geysers, getting soaked from giant waterfalls, freezing my nuts off from hurricane-like winds, and soaking up warm sun rays on black sand beaches. Very cool. We'll definitely be going back to spend more time in the backcountry.

Read a clip of the article here>>

More Mexico Photos

2007-01-03T10:33:00.000-08:00

Spock phone home:
What did the Blue Heron say to the White Crane?

Nothing like an infiniti pool by the sea!

Parasailing Takes Me Away

2007-01-03T10:13:00.000-08:00

Mandy and I just got back from Puerto Vallarta, where we spent 5 days chillin' by the beach. It was a nice change of pace from chillin' by the beach in San Diego... And no trip with the LeMengs is complete without some sort of adventure or stunt... So, while we were there Andy, Jennifer, Mandy and me all went parasailing -- first time for all of us, and we had a blast. Check out the photos:

Mandy before:

Mandy after:
And she's back:
And me taking off :

Mandy Meets the Cowboy

2006-11-16T13:19:00.000-08:00

I went to the Kicker Big Air Contest in Las Vegas the last week of October to cover it for Lat34. I drove out there with a photographer friend of mine and Mandy flew out to join us. That was nice! We stayed at the Tropicana. Pretty funny. Vegas just cracks me up. The world's largest casino in the world's driest desert. I don't get it... and yet, I find myself having a good time every time I go.

Anyway, the Kicker Big Air shindig is a big show featuring showcars, a wakeboarding demo, an FMX demo and a motorcycle stunt demo. All in the parking lot of the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. About 3000 people showed up along with some big names in FMX including Travis Pastrana, Brian Deegan, Mike Mason, Tommy Clowers and none other that File's favorite: "Cowboy" Kenny Bartram. Mandy was giddy like a little schoolgirl when we bumped into Kenny. I think Kenny was just as psyched to have a little hottie grabbing onto him. Note he's giving the thumbs up. And check out the 'stache! He just started twirling it a month or so ago. Lookin' good!

Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival

2006-11-16T13:08:00.000-08:00

Mandy and I went to the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Fest in San Francisco in October and got to see some unbelievable shows. They had 5 stages set up in Golden Gate Park... the whole thing is free. You just show up and stake your square of grass, sit back and watch some legendary performers rock it out. We saw T-Bone Burnett, Elvis Costello, Gillian Welch, Emmylou Harris, and host of other peeps. Here's a few pics. Check out Elvis, Emmylou and Gillian all on the same stage together!

And here's T-Bone. Burnett did a bluegrass set and a rock set that both rocked. Imagine that.

I Met Tony Hawk and Mat Hoffman!!! Oh, and Bam, Too.

2006-11-16T12:53:00.000-08:00

In October I was in Dallas for the final contest in the LG Action Sports Tour. The LG is probably the biggest contest in the world with stops in the UK, France, Amsterdam, the U.S. and elsewhere. Guys and girls compete in BMX Park, BMX Vert, Skate Park, Skate Vert, and Inline Park and Vert.

Anyway, while I was there I was walking the hallways of the event center when I noticed a bunch of big dudes walking in front of someone... like they were body guards. I thought to myself, who the hell needs body guards here? Oh, Bam Margera. That's who. I followed Bam into the arena where there were a bunch of media types hanging around. Then I saw Tony Hawk sitting at a folding table next to Mat Hoffman. I was stoked!

mean, I had seen him as a kid at contests, but I'd never met the guy. So, this was a big deal. And as if that wasn't enough, later that night I was at an after-party hanging with some friends. WeAfter they were done being interviewed I walked up to Tony and introduced myself. I had to. I went to go hang out at Chad Kagy and Kevin Robinson's table. I quickly surveyed who else was at the table: Jay Eggleston, Simon Tabron, Koji, and Mat Hoffman. Fucking crazy. I love this job.

The photos suck, but they're of Tony and Mat doing a doubles performance in Dallas. This second photo shows the two of them doing front flip dismounts to the ramp deck.

Dew Tour and LG FMX Championships

2006-11-16T12:38:00.000-08:00

Here's a few pics from the road. I've been traveling the action sports circuit since July and things are finally winding down now. So, I've got some time to catch up on posting to the Stunt Forum. The following FMX pics are from the Dew Tour in San Jose (September) and the LG Action Sports Tour World Championships in Pomona (October). The LG WC were pretty cool because they were held at the L.A. County Fair... Holy shit, that's a big fair. I mean, I figured the L.A. County Fair had to be pretty big, but man, that thing was huge. We left the fair after the FMX contest and submitting my story around 11:30PM and the fair was still going strong. Crazy.

Anyway, here's a few pics. There's Nate Adams, Mike Mason and someone else... can't remember. Can you tell which pics are from L.A.? I'll give you a hint: look at the sky.

Man: An Endangered Species?

2006-11-09T15:46:00.000-08:00

The folks at Maxim recently sent a petition to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service a couple of years back to place "man" on the endangered species list. The reason? They eloquently put it this way: "At one point, man was driving a backhoe, daydreaming about Brigette Bardot. The next thing you know, he's putting on nail polish. What the hell is happening?"

Yeah! What they said. I, for one, have never put on nail polish... well, except for that one crazy party back in college... well, maybe there were a couple of crazy parties like that... and that road trip to the East Coast when I got bored in the back seat. Oh hell. I'm not helping the cause, I guess. But you can. Click here and sign the petition to put "man" on the endangered species list!>>

And don't forget to test your man knowledge too>>

Haggard Lies From A Haggard Preacher

2006-11-09T14:56:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought I couldn't get any more tired or cynical of religious bigotry, Ted Haggard comes along and renews my faith that one can never get too tired or fed up with the state of religion in the world. Ted Haggard, now former New Life Church minister, and the man who once called Bill Clinton a 'sex addict,' has stepped down from the pulpit after admitting to buying meth and inititating sexual acts with a man, man. A backer of Amendment 43 to ban gay marriage in Colorado, Haggard says he could "not continue to minister under the cloud" of accusations. Read Haggard's full statement here>>

I love stories with a happy ending. In response to the story, Bill Maher had this to say: "Drugs, gay massages, it's getting so you can't tell the protestant clergy from the Catholic priests."

And since we're on the subject, here's some bonus material from a 2005 interview with Haggard on the Daily Show:

Jon Stewart:
Robertson’s right wing allies in the media also found themselves in a tight spot. How to defend a man of God, calling for the killing of another human being? Well, there are three ways. First way; dismiss the message.

Pastor Ted Haggard:
I think you have to understand the context of it, you know his program has one segment of it that’s a Christian exhortation, and in another section where he’s a political pundit.

JS (jokingly speaking as if explaining TH’s statement):
See what you don’t understand is that Robertson didn’t make his comment during the time of day in which he’s a Christian. Uh, by the way, very understandable. Have you every tried to actually live your life by what this guy(points at a pic of Jesus) says? I mean. After an hour of so you need some me time.

Nollie: Girls Action Sports

2006-11-09T10:31:00.000-08:00

Girls kick ass! And there's a new blog out called Nollie that's out to prove it. It's an action sports blog for girls. Check it out here>>. A friend of mine writes for the company who started this blog . She writes for Shoewawa.com, a fashion blog that talks only about shoes, and is owned by Shinymedia.com, a veritable fashion blog empire. Who knows who Shinymedia is owned by? (That's rhetorical) Everything is owned by something else these days. Anyway, check out Nollie. Not quite as good as the Stunt Forum, but hey, what is? ...what is?

Sweet, Sweet Sushi

2006-11-07T17:37:00.000-08:00

No, really. It's sweet sushi. This sushi is so sweet you'd think it was candy... Oh, wait... it is candy. Well, they've finally done it. They've made sushi palatable for even those who can't stand the thought of a bit of raw fish. Instead of rice you can use rice krispy treats dipped in white chocolate. Dried papaya, dried ginger and other fruits can be used for the fish itself. And melted chocolate sauce replaces soy sauce. Not bad.

Get the full recipe here>>

New SteveL Knievel Website

2006-10-29T15:43:00.000-08:00

I've got a new website showcasing my writing portfolio. Take a look and let me know what you think. Check it out here>>

The Dave Mirra Interview

2006-10-29T13:28:00.000-08:00

I had the chance to interview BMX legend Dave Mirra at the Dew Tour in Orlando. I was pretty psyched to meet the guy. He was super cool and took his time to answer all my questions. It was also great to see how much all the other riders respect him. While I interviewed him next to the Park course, it was cool to see everyone who passed by wave to him or patt him on the back: Mat Hoffman, Ryan Nyquist, Daniel Dhers, Anthony Napolitan, Allan Cooke... you name it, they were there and they all look up to this guy. Here's the link to the story>>

What Makes An Extreme Sport "Extreme?"

2006-08-03T09:46:00.000-07:00

The X Games kicks off this weekend and I was supposed to be there covering the event for LAT 34... But, alas, I have to go to Colorado to hang out with friends and family. It's tough. I know. Anyway, even though I'm not covering the X Games I did write an article about it that's published on LAT 34. It's about the question, "What makes an extreme sport "extreme?" There's also a little history lesson about the X Games... For example, did you know that the first X Games was held in Rhode Island? And that one of the first extreme sports in the Games was bungy jumping? I still don't know how they'd score that one. Anyway, check out the article. And stay tuned for more!

Wassup Rockers Takes It To The Streets

2006-07-11T09:32:00.000-07:00

Check out my latest article in LAT34.com - a review of the film Wassup Rockers by Larry Clark.

Dude, Quit Bogarting The Cell

2006-06-22T16:33:00.000-07:00

As reported in Money magazine:

#5 in the 101 Dumbest Moments in Business
A study by the University of London's Institute of Psychiatry, commissioned by Hewlett-Packard, finds that "an average worker's functioning IQ falls 10 points when distracted by ringing telephones and incoming e-mails ... more than double the four-point drop seen following studies on the impact of smoking marijuana."

Edited Bush Sings U2's Sunday Bloody Sunday

2006-06-22T11:32:00.000-07:00

As seen on Break.com

SteveL, Meet World; World, Meet SteveL

2006-06-21T13:41:00.000-07:00

It's official, kids! Yours truly made it to the big time. I've got three articles on LAT34.com. All athlete profiles. And there's a possibility I'll be covering a few of the Dew Tour events this year: the one in Denver, Portland and Orlando. Can't wait!
Click here for current articles:
Jamie Bestwick profile

Ryan Guettler profile

Kenny Bartram profile

National Skateboarding Day!!!!

2006-06-21T09:18:00.000-07:00

Every year there's a few more kids on skateboards. Every year there's a few more people, who used to skate, that take it up again. And every year, a special day that celebrates this fact gets a little more popular. Someday it'll become a national holiday. But, until then we'll all just have to celebrate National Skateboarding Day unofficially. That's right. Today, June 21, is National Skateboarding Day, when skaters from around the the world will "celebrate the pure exhilaration, creativity, and spirit of one of the most influential activities in the world by blowing off all other obligations to go skateboarding." That's what GoSkateboardingDay.org defines today as.

And on this day, I remember that I first stepped onto a skateboard that my grandfather made for me when I was about 6. It was made out of a piece of scrap plywood with rollerskate wheels attached to it. I loved that thing.

Later, around 1986 I stepped onto my first pro model board. A Gator. It was my older brother's, but I sort of leveraged it away by shredding harder than him. That is until I got my own Gator. It was '86, so my bag of tricks included carves, slides and tail-spins; even 360 and 720 spins! Hard-core stuff.

But, then one day I was at home and heard strange clacking noises outside on the street at the neighbor's. I looked out the window and saw the neighborhood kids skating in their driveway. They were doing ollies on the curb. I had no idea you could do that with a skateboard. My life changed completely from that moment on.

I skated for another 10 years and then put it down for a while. I'm not that good anymore, but it doesn't matter. I still get that same feeling. It's a feeling of freedom... and pride that it's been 20 years since I started skating (for real). 20 years! Hopefully, I've got another 20 left in me.

3 Out Of 10 Commandments Ain't Bad

2006-06-19T13:45:00.000-07:00

Stephen Colbert interviews Congressman Lynn Westmoreland (GA), who co-sponsored a bill to mandate the posting of the Ten Commandments in Congress.

Tough Guy Jay-Z Boycotts Cristal Champagne

2006-06-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

In a bold move (dare I say "stunt") to make a political/social point, rapper Jay-Z is boycotting Cristal champagne after a brand executive hinted that he did not like the association of the drink with hip-hop. "It has come to my attention that the managing director of Cristal, Frederic Rouzaud, views the 'hip-hop' culture as 'unwelcome attention'," Jay-Z said. Jay-Z called the comment "racist" and plans to pull Cristal from his bars in Manhattan and Atlantic City.

Cristal champagne - which sells for between $450 and $600 in Jay-Z's bars - has become synonymous with the so-called "bling" lifestyle. Jay-Z mentions it in his 1996 track, Can't Knock the Hustle - "Auto off the champagne, Cristals by the bottle."

Ripples are being felt around the world.

SteveL Knievel To Write For Action Sports WebMag

2006-06-14T17:19:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while an opportunity comes along that not even Nancy Reagan could "Just Say No" to. For me, that opportunity has arrived in the form of an offer to freelance for a new online action sports magazine that AOL if fronting the cash for. No joke. It's called Lat34.com and they cover Skateboard, BMX and FMX news, etc. Eventually we will cover Snowboarding, Surfing, and maybe Freeride Mtn Biking. Check it out. It's in beta testing at the moment but should be 100% live next week for the beginning of the 2006 Dew Tour. It's first day in the wild world wide web over a million visitors dropped by the site... Not bad for a fledgling magazine.

So, stay tuned. I'll be posting more info as I learn it. I just got pulled into this yesterday. Right now it's a fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants kind of thing where my main direction so far is, "Just write something. Anything. We need content!" I like that kind of direction. Take a look next week when I should have some work published there. And thanks to Colin Bane for the hook-up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

George Carlin Quote For The Weekend

2006-06-09T15:40:00.000-07:00

Here's a little inspiration for all you Stunt Forum readers. From the inimitable G. Carlin:

"Life is tough. What do you get at the end? Death. What's that, a bonus? The life cycle is backward. You should die first, get it out of the way, then live in an old age home. Get kicked out when you're too young, get a gold watch, go to work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. Do drugs, alcohol, party, and get ready for high school. Go to grade school, become a baby, go back to the womb, spend your last nine months floating, finish off as an orgasm."

Wise words amigo. If only it were so.

As Promised: Jon Stewart Again

2006-06-09T09:59:00.000-07:00

Jon Stewart Post #2:
Love seeing those conservatives squirm under the iron fist of Jon Stewart!

Stewart vs. Bennett

Jon Stewart: Greatest Stunt Man of Them All

2006-06-08T16:10:00.000-07:00

Jon Stewart of The Daily Show never ceases to amaze. He, being the self-assured yet modest and seemingly well-balanced individual he is, would probably disagree. He might say he's simply a man who enjoys making the most out of every opportunity to rip conservative pundits new assholes. And well he does. And well he does.

His most recent: an interview with Bill Bennett on the topic of gay marriage and homosexuality. See the video below. It's so good -the message so important and succinctly stated- that I think I'll re-post this video thrice daily for weeks to come. But first, here's an excerpt to give you the flavor:

Stewart: So why not encourage gay people to join in in that family arrangement if that is what provides stability to a society?

Bennett: Well I think if gay..gay people are already members of families...

Stewart: What? (almost spitting out his drink)

Bennett: They're sons and they're daughters..

Stewart: So that's where the buck stops, that's the gay ceiling.

Bennett: Look, it's a debate about whether you think marriage is between a man and a women...

Stewart: I disagree, I think it's a debate about whether you think gay people are part of the human condition or just a random fetish.

Watch It And Weep!!!

Baghdad: The New Vacation Paradise

2006-06-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

Yahoo! Travel offers users the opportunity to write reviews of their travel experiences. These reviews are often great resources for people making travel plans. I say "often" because some people leave less than helpful reviews. And others use it as a comic forum. Case in point: This review titled "A real family fun spot!" and "I love Baghdad!" See more "reviews" here.

Excerpted from "A real family fun spot:"
"Wow! I guess Baghdad isn't the secret vacation paradise it used to be! The hotel lobby was a bit sparse, but there was lot of cool rubble and fake blood to give the hotel an authentic "Palestine" feel."

It's a Bird. It's a Plane. It's Super Jesus!

2006-05-30T12:53:00.000-07:00

I believe this digital art piece speaks for itself. See more here.

You Win! You're the 1234th Stunt Forum Visitor!

2006-05-25T10:08:00.000-07:00

As of right now... no, now... no wait, now, the Stunt Forum has received its 1234th visitor since birthing 2.5 months ago. I don't know who the lucky person is but I can share some vital statistics about this person's visit:

They visited today, May 25 2006 at 7:33:06 am, looked through 8 pages of the Stunt Forum for 14:54. They live, or accessed the Internet from Forest Hills, New York. And they did a search for "wes anderson amex commercial" on Blogger blog search.

If this sounds like you, then you've just won a life-time subscription to The SteveL Knievel Stunt Forum... FREE! You can't beat that with a stick. Go ahead, try it. You can't. See?

Finally some interesting news worth reporting on

2006-05-23T13:04:00.000-07:00

From a recent email: Thanks Mandy!

WATER...... It has been scientifically proven that if
we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the
year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of
Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces. In other
words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Doo Doo.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine
(or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquors) because
alcohol has to go through a distillation process of
boiling, filtering and fermenting.

WATER = Doo Doo

WINE = HEALTH

End of lesson.

So Much... YAWN... in the News Today

2006-05-23T12:52:00.000-07:00

When I have time, I scan online headlines in a variety of sources for my own sake and the sake of the Stunt Forum. I start atBoing Boing for kitschy news items, then go to Scotsman.com for the really weird stuff, skip over to the BBC for a little international flavor, browse the LA Weekly for west coast oddities, hit up the L.A. Times for west coast normalities and the New York Times for a sense of east coast happenings. And if I still have time or interest I take a peek at Gawker.com for hip gossip and Wired.com for tech tidbits. That usually covers the news pretty well. More than pretty well. I think that provides me a pretty complete picture of Americoncentric mainstream society and a few of its offshoots.

And somehow after all of that, I still have trouble finding interesting topics to write about. The most interesting story in Wired is about the author of The Joy of Cybersex: A Creative Guide for Lovers. Her book focuses on how couples can use the Internet to increase communication, explore fantasies and improve their offline relationships... YAWN.

Gawker's least boring piece of gossip centers around a video of Anderson Cooper baby pics. Yippee.

New York Times? There's a story about the new Cecil B. DeMille DVD Collection. OK. But then, how about this headline: Pentagon Questions China's Military Aims... No kidding?!

L.A. Times: Iraq's New Leaders Vow to Fight Rampant Corruption... OK. Great, I guess. Seems a good place to start when forming a government.

LA Weekly? It's got the most substance out of anything today. Cannes Film Festival highlights including Gore's eco-documentary. And a story on immigration... my two cents: illegal immigrants are illegal. Deport them. Businesses shouldn't be hiring illegals. Legal immigrants are legal. Keep them. I can't help but feel this whole issue is a diversion from other more important issues.

BBC: Wars, death, and a story about a 7 year-old who recently swam from Alcatraz to shore. Mildly interesting human interest story.

Scotsman.com? Nothing that weird. A case about piano that found it's way to the top of a British "mountain" is solved. Wow!

Boing Boing... usually the most interesting source of news, but today is a flop. The winning headline: Circuit board business cards... Yikes.

That's the news for Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006. I personally think the news in our individual lives is probably more important and interesting than any of that nonsense. Which leads me to my personal headline for the day:

Wife to Perform Latin Jazz Show & Last Concert of the Semester Tonight at 7

Go Mandy Go!

Ten Things I Hate About Commandments

2006-05-19T10:20:00.000-07:00

The latest remix movie trailer that poses the question, "What would the Ten Commandments movie be like as a modern teen coming-of-age film?" Starring Charlton Heston, Yul Brynner, Sinead O'Connor and Samuel L. Jackson as "Principal Firebush."

Disappearance of Koranic Tuna Fishy

2006-05-18T13:14:00.000-07:00

A tuna fish with markings that resembled a Koranic text was stolen from the Kenyan Fisheries Department in Mombasa. The tuna, which had aroused much interest from area Muslims, was being studied to find out if the the fish's Arabic inscription "You are the best provider" was real or a hoax.

Over the weekend, people thronged to the Takaungu Fish Shop in Mombasa's old town after the owner noticed the tuna's remarkable markings. The text was close to the Koranic verse "Wa anta khair al-raziqin."

For safekeeping, the five pound tuna was moved to the fisheries department. After being asked by Muslim leaders in Kenya, Kenya's National Museum had offered to take custody of the fish and preserve it for the country's heritage. Sounds like a case for Scooby Doo and his gang of meddling detective kids.

Stunt Links koran, muslim, tuna, inscription

Today We're Going to Write About Murder, Class!

2006-05-16T09:23:00.000-07:00

Michael Maxwell, a high school teacher in northwest Missouri has been suspended for a week without pay and placed on 6 months' probation for asking his students to write about who they would kill and how. What makes the incident even more strange is that Maxwell teaches industrial technology... drafting... and he asked his students to write fiction... in a drafting class... where you don't write about fiction... because you're busy learning about drafting... because it's an industrial technology class. Maxwell apologized saying, "I made a horrible mistake that I regret." He is expected to keep his job according to local newspapers.

Stunt Links Michael Maxwell, teacher, murder assignment, drafting

Wily Swiss Air Controversial AIDS Campaign

2006-05-15T14:04:00.000-07:00

Nothing like a controversial advertising stunt to get the media buzzing. Sex public service messages are always raising someone's eyebrows if not their interest. And the Swiss have a better knack than most for kicking sand in the face of advertising's moral elite. Case in point:

The most recent ad campaign in question, produced by the Swiss Aids Federation, features naked athletes in the midst of spirited competition without protection of any kind. Point being: you wouldn't play hockey without protection - so don't have sex naked. In the ads, fencers, hockey players, motorcyclists are all vulnerably exposed to the athletic elements of their respective sports. The eroticism of the ads, while certainly intriguing, plays second fiddle to the campaign message: No action without protection. I get the willies (pun intented) just thinking about a fencing sword or hockey stick swinging wildly anywhere near my unprotected twigs and berries. I'd say the message is effective.

Click it. View it.

Stunt Links AIDS, Sex, public health, Switzerland, controversy, advertising

Alligators 3, Humans 0

2006-05-15T12:31:00.000-07:00

Well, that's not entirely true. The score for humans probably dwarves the number for alligators. But, it is interesting to note that in the past week 3 Floridians have been found allegedly dismembered by alligators, a usually rare occurrence. Could it be that Florida is experiencing record real estate growth and population explosion? Are there simply more people hanging out, jogging, and walking their poodles in alligator infested swamps? And are the 3 recent maulings signs that alligators are striking back? Maybe human-skin handbags and boots are all the rage in alligator society. That's my theory anyway.

The media has suggested a less interesting explanation. While alligators are typically more afraid of humans than humans are of them, this fear tends to subside when people feed them, which is illegal.

So, one possibility is that the alligators responsible for the killings had previously been fed by humans and had begun to associate humans with a source of food. (Where does the media come up with these ideas?!) "When there's now construction going on in an area where gators are, the workers feed them and then the workers leave and the gators look at any human as a source of food," says Kevin Garvey, who has hunted alligators for Florida for the past 11 years.

Sounds like payback to me. We take the gators' land. They take a couple of us. Seems fair.

Stunt Links: alligators, Florida, Everglades, poodles

Remember When...

2006-05-12T13:34:00.000-07:00

Here's a great bit of nostalgic prose to put life in the new milennium in perspective. Written by Nance Greggs:

REMEMBER WHEN you could brag that as an American, you were guaranteed things like free speech and due process of law, without checking the nightly news to see whether those rights were still in effect?

REMEMBER WHEN you actually thought that the people in charge of running your country were smarter than you were?

REMEMBER WHEN questioning your government's policies was seen as 'participating in the process', and not 'giving aid and comfort to the enemy'?

Click here to read more.

The Greatest Daredevil Stuntman Of Them All

2006-05-12T13:22:00.000-07:00

George W. Bush established a new sport recently that spectators are calling "Extreme Politics." And in doing so he has put all stuntmen to shame, showing that he has bigger cajones than any man in America or the world. The idea behind these "Extreme Politics" is that a politician - W in this case - stands in front of a room full of reporters and Congressional leaders, and lies through his teeth... all while keeping a straight face. Not a twitch of the upper lip. Not a flicker of a smirk.

His most recent attempt was over a minor issue regarding privacy rights. The issue was raised by an article in USA Today reporting that AT&T, Verizon and BellSouth had turned over tens of millions of customer phone records to the N.S.A. since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks.

Bush saddled up to the microphone and said in his most serious of voices, "We're not mining or trolling through the personal lives of millions of innocent Americans. Our efforts are focused on links to Al Qaeda and their known affiliates."

He was just getting warmed up. The crux of the move was coming next. That was when he assured Americans that their privacy is, (and I quote), "fiercely protected." Now, most mortal men would stumble over this last line, but not G.W. He was stone-cold sober. Well, maybe not "sober" per se, but you know what I mean.

The USA Today article from Thursday further delved into the issue, saying that the N.S.A. had created an enormous database of all calls made by customers of the three phone companies in an effort to compile a log of "every call ever made" within this country.

Bush did not specifically confirm or deny the existence of the N.S.A. operation, but said that "as a general matter, every time sensitive intelligence is leaked it hurts our ability to defeat this enemy." Perfect landing! Well-played Mr. Bush!

Stuntmen around the country and the world fear for their jobs.

Stunt Links: Bush, privacy, NSA, phone records, illegal wiretapping

Life. The Great Demotivator.

2006-05-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

There is a company called Despair, Inc. They are funny. And they are on a mission. A mission from God, if you will. A mission of truth. They are out to eradicate the scourge of inspirational posters. To do so, they have created a series of "Demotivators." Posters that celebrate the cynic in us all.

From their website:
AT DESPAIR, INC., we believe motivational products create unrealistic expectations, raising hopes only to dash them. That's why we created our soul-crushingly depressing Demotivators designs, so you can skip the delusions that motivational products induce and head straight for the disappointments that follow!

Some examples:

Stunt Links: demotivators, inspirational quotes, george bush sucks, satire, cynical humor

Thanks to Mr. Tumnus for the link.

Amputee Breaks Leg On Everest

2006-05-10T09:51:00.000-07:00

A man who lost both his legs on a previous expedition broke one of his artificial legs during an attempt to become the first double amputee to summit Mount Everest.

Mark Inglis, a 47 year-old New Zealander, called the incident a "minor hiccup." He continued his quest after mending the prosthesis to hobble his way to the next camp. Inglis does have spare limbs with him, and is still on the mountain.

In an online diary entry dated 29 April, Mr Inglis wrote that while he was sliding down a rope "one of the fixed line anchors pulled out of the ice/snow, meaning a brief acceleration for me (some of it upside down, very interesting). I managed to arrest the slide only to find that the beautiful carbon leg on the right was now in two pieces".

Inglis lost his legs in 1982 during a go at Mount Cook, New Zealand's highest peak. Blizzard conditions forced him and his partner to shelter in an ice cave where they were found two weeks later barely alive.

Check out his daily diary here.

Stunt Links: Mark Inglis, Mount Everest, mountaineer, double amputee

Mind the Speed Limit

2006-05-09T15:52:00.000-07:00

Europeans have a knack for getting a point across in advertisements. Take a look at this French television commercial warning people to watch their driving speed.

Americans Not Sure Where They Are

2006-05-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

Once again the headlines show Americans to be geographically challenged. Test after test illustrates just how ethnocentric Americans are. The most recent study conducted by Roper poll for National Geographic notes that nearly 1/3 of young Americans couldn't locate Louisiana... Apparently they hadn't noticed the 24/7 news coverage of Hurricane Katrina over the last several months.

And in a world that is increasingly more globally interconnected Americans seem to still be out of the loop. The study found that 6 of 10 Americans aged 18-24 couldn't locate Iraq on a map. I guess most Americans just don't care where their boys and girls are being killed.

Or maybe they're just confused. It could be all the Cheetos and Budweiser we consume. Or it could just be that geography is simply confusing. For example, most people have heard of Denver, Colorado. But, Denver, Alabama? Denver, Florida? Denver, Iowa?

How about Paris, Texas? Paris, Arkansas? Paris, California? And Paris, Kentucky? Or New York, Georgia. New York, Montana. Or even New York, New York for that matter. Seems a redundant choice for a city name.

There's a London Bridge in Arizona. The town of London in California. New London in Connecticut. San Diego is in Texas. And San Diego Bay is in Arkansas.

Geography is kind of all mixed up. So, it's no wonder Americans can't find Mississippi on a map. Or Israel. Or India. Scary, but understandable.

Thanks to B. "Online Petition for Jen Love Hewitt" Rosen for the story.

Wes Anderson AmEx Commercial

2006-05-08T17:14:00.000-07:00

Wes Anderson. Writer. Director. Producer. AmEx commercial star. That's right. He's finally made it to the big time. Bottle Rocket was OK. Rushmore, a decent sophomoric attempt. The Royal Tenenbaums showed potential. The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou: indulgent. But, alas Wes Anderson has achieved status among the constellations with his new commercial for American Express. And now it is featured in the Stunt Forum for all eternity. View it here.

A Pro-Funny Short Film About Pro-Life

2006-05-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

Mr. Fish is a cartoonist. His work shows up in Harper's magazine and L.A. Weekly. Sometimes he produces short animated films. His cartoons are not for the faint of heart. Enjoy his most recent, titled, Life, Etc. Click here for the film.

World Record Broken By Stunt Forum

2006-05-08T10:46:00.000-07:00

Last week the Stunt Forum secretly broke the world record for longest amount of time between blog posts in Stunt Forum history. SteveL Knievel said of the accomplishment, "I wasn't sure if I could do it; go a whole week without posting a SINGLE entry. But, I persevered, and I just pushed on through. I was running on fumes toward the end. I just kept telling myself, 'You can do it. You can do it. Don't look back.' And that's exactly what I did."

Mr. Knievel did not announce his world record attempt publicly so that he could more easily concentrate on the task at hand. But, by the end of the week word had leaked out about the stunt and fans from around the world began sending words of encouragement. "I wanted to see if I could pull this stunt off by myself. That's why I didn't make an announcement. But, when people started sending me letters showing me their support of my world record attempt... well, it just really moved me and pushed me even harder. I'm not sure I could have done it without my fans."

Mr. Knievel is taking a break from not posting entries on his daily blog this week. No word yet of Knievel's plans for future blog stunts.

Bush Snorts Blow, Gives Snow a Go

2006-04-27T12:16:00.000-07:00

I don't know what that headline means, but it sounds good. Kind of like poetry. No one knows what the hell poets are talking about, but sometimes it sounds real good on the ears. Know what I mean?

Soooooo... back to our story: Bush named conservative talk show host Tony Snow as his press secretary yesterday in a move that further blurs the line between reality and TV.

Bush said of Snow, "He's a man of courage. He's a man of integrity. He loves his family." Hmmm. Must be more of that poetry stuff. Don't make no sense, but sounds pretty good. You know, if that's what makes poetry poetry, then Bush is a goddamned poetic genius.

Snow was a speechwriter in the White House of Bush's pops. Before moving to Fox News on television and radio, he worked for a number of newspapers. Croneyism is alive and well!

Mickey Mouse Gas Mask For Reals

2006-04-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

By the way, the pictures of the Mickey Mouse gas mask in the previous article are real. On January 7th, 1942, one month after Pearl Harbor, Sun Rubber Company in association with Walt Disney introduced the Mickey Mouse Gas Mask for children. The gas mask was presented to Major General William N. Porter, Chief of the Chemical Warfare Service. After approval from the CWS, Sun Rubber Products Company produced 1000 sample masks for testing.

Before the Mickey Mouse gas mask, small-enough masks did not exist for use by children. The mask was designed so children would think it a game and wear it longer to improve their survivability.

Animal Rights Group Praises Mauschwitz Device

2006-04-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

According to People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), a better mousetrap has been created for the 21st century. The trap, designed by "Rentokil," gases meeses upon entrance with carbon dioxide. PETA claims that the Rentokil device reduces animal suffering by killing them without prolonged distress.

The device features "pestconnect" technology which sends an email to the owner once a rodent has been caught. It also triggers a text message to a Rentokil technician with the precise location of the building affected.

Thanks to Livin' Luxury for the story.

"The Hippest Embroidery Site Ever"

2006-04-25T12:48:00.000-07:00

You can imagine how excited I was when my friend Brian emailed me this link. Embroidery? Hip? I was skeptical to say the least. That is until I saw this:

Now, that IS cool embroidery. But, don't take it from me. Listen to what the critics of SublimeStitching.com have to say about the founder. "Sublime Stitching, the one-gal Mecca of embroidery coolness, has brought stitching back in style" - Herbivore Magazine. That's not praise from just ANY magazine. That's HERBIVORE MAGAZINE. Wow! You can't top that.

Sublime Stitching lets you order patterns of the latest embroidery fashions... Including, but not limited to Sushi bar patterns and Dia de los Muertos patterns... that's Day of the Dead - brush up on your Spanish people. No, not Spanish-people. Spanish...people. Got it? Good.

(Thanks B-dog)

Mmmmm. Rich, Creamy Camel Cheese And Chocolate

2006-04-21T10:04:00.000-07:00

No, really. Camel's milk and other products like camel's cheese, ice cream and camel chocolate could soon hit the shelves of Western retailers if a United Nations bid to stimulate the fledgling industry is successful.

It is already widely consumed across the Arab world, but the United Nations says camel's milk has untapped potential to hit global markets.

Tasting more salty than cow's milk, but with 3X the vitamin C and up to 10X the iron content, camel's milk is touted as a powerful tonic against many diseases and as an aphrodisiac.

Potentially it could provide more food to people in dry areas, and also give nomadic herders from Mauritania to Mongolia a viable source of income. With the right investment analysts say the industry could easily be worth $10 billion on a global scale.

But, to do that the industry needs to overcome numerous humps in production.

Sushi With A Side Order Of LSD

2006-04-20T15:28:00.000-07:00

Practical Fishkeeping magazine reported that two men recently suffered "terrifying visual and auditory hallucinations" after eating Salema porgy, a type of fish popular in Mediterranean restaurants.

Salema is not normally hallucinogic, but the men's reaction was similar to those experienced when eating certain members of the ichthyoallyeinotoxic fish family such as mullet, goatfish, tangs, damsels and rabbitfish. The effects are believed to be similar to LSD. This has given rise to nicknaming the fish "dream fish."

Indoles, with similar chemical effects to LSD, are believed to be responsible and may be consumed when the fish eat algae or phytoplankton containing the chemicals. All of the species effected by ichthyoallyeinotoxism are algal grazers.

Others have claimed that different species of ichthyoallyeinotoxic fishes, such as Kyphosus fuseus, contain much more potent hallucinogens, such as dimethyltryptamine or DMT, which is considered to be one of the world's most mind-bending hallucinogenic chemicals. The magazine did not mention if the two men gave the waiter and chef a hefty tip.

SteveL Knievel Goes Off Deep End

2006-04-19T14:45:00.000-07:00

I signed up for the Carlsbad Triathlon. Yeah, I know. Even Evel Knievel wouldn't do something so rash. But, I've got the receipt for my entry form. It's a done deal. Now combine that with a suggestion from Stunt Forum reader Dozer to start posting personal stories, and what do you get? Triathlon Tribulations! That's right! A daily blog transcribing the agony of training 6 days a week for 11 weeks to get in shape for oldest triathlon on the West coast! The training begins next Tuesday, April 25. Sound like fun? I know you're interested. So, come on over and check it out!

The Daily Commute

2006-04-18T15:43:00.000-07:00

True Stories of the Daily Commute in One Sentence or Less.
Sitting at a red light I heard a story on the radio about a man fined for changing red lights to green with an Opticon infrared device he bought on eBay for $100. Buy your own here.

JibJab Makes Up For Unfunny Monday

2006-04-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

I thought for sure yesterday would be a complete bust in the news world. But thankfully the good people at JibJab pulled through in the end. They must have heard that the Stunt Forum had logged in a complaint and decided to launch the JibJab Jokebox.

Amid the current boom in content sharing social networks, the creators of JibJab on Monday launched this online community for aspiring humorists. The site has been in private beta for three months, during which time roughly 40,000 registered members have flooded the network over 25,000 written jokes, photos, audio and video files. So, now whenever the news is looking particularly bleak we can count on JibJab to lighten our day. Check it out here if you didn't already click above.

Nothing Funny To Report Today

2006-04-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

The Stunt Forum is the first to crack this exclusive breaking news: there is no funny news to report today. In fact, all the news today is rather bleak and ranges only from death, war and robberies to tear-gassings, sandstorms and flooding. So, go ahead and watch a good music video in the sidebar on the right and count yourself lucky.

Who's Been Dumping in Your Backyard?

2006-04-14T17:26:00.000-07:00

Now you can find out exactly what corporations are dumping toxic waste in your neck of the woods. The U.S. EPA's Toxic Release Inventory for 2004 is available for the public. Use it to learn who the biggest polluters are and what they're polluting with. Rumors say the EPA's TRI won't be available for long due to corporate pressure. So, share it with everyone while you still can. See the TRI report here.

When Chocolate Bars Attack!

2006-04-14T13:56:00.000-07:00

What's the first thing you think of when you think about Easter? If you answered Jesus you're wrong. Candy is the answer. Specifically, chocolate. And when you think of rich delicious chocolate you think of Hershey's, Nestle, Ghiradelli, Dove, Plopp and Asse... Well, if you're from Norway or Japan you might think of the last two chocolate bars. Plopp and Asse top the list as the two most unfortunately named chocolate bars in the world. To see more Asse or Plopp click on the pics below.

LAPD Fines Jaywalking Granny

2006-04-14T10:21:00.000-07:00

In the 80s and 90s they beat up black people. Now an L.A. cop has released his wrath on a senior citizen. Her crime? Being old and slow.

82-year old Mayvis Coyle received a $114 jaywalking ticket after she failed to cross the street before the crosswalk signal stopped flashing its red warning hand. A passing motorcycle cop issued her the ticket after yelling at her saying she was obstructing traffic. Coyle replied, "I don't like being talked to like I'm a 6-year-old."

Her case has become more than a simple traffic violation. People from all over the world are coming to Ms. Coyle's aid - from California to Canada to Scotland and back again. And TV news crews have swarmed her Sunland, California trailer to get her story. She has even been contacted by the Ellen DeGeneres talk show.

[Cut to Hoveround power chair advertisement]
Now, if she had had a Hoveround power chair, none of this would have happened. Listen to what Kay & Jerry Phillips say about their's, "We thank the Lord for our Hoverounds! These chairs have given us our lives again." Just call 1-866-880-9807 to order now! Your local mobility specialist is standing by!

Brave New McDonald's

2006-04-13T10:19:00.000-07:00

Aaahhh! Globalization. You can just smell it in the air. And somehow it resembles a Happy Meal. You either love it or hate it. Which ever side of the fence you're rooted in, it's clear that the Brave New World is fully fledged.

In Thomas Friedman's latest book, The World Is Flat, he explains some of the issues the planet is facing as globalization takes flight. He asserts that the convergence of technology and certain events such as the 9/11 World Trade Center attacks have cleared the way for India, China and many other countries to become part of the global supply chain. And this has effectively flattened the world.

As an example, Friedman points to recent experiments in outsourcing that McDonald's is participating in. Let's just say that when you pull up to the drive-through, say in Madison, Wisconsin, and place your order, there's another reason why the voice in the squawk box is unintelligible - and it's not because the box has crappy speakers. It's because the pimply faced teenager in the box actually resides in another state, or another country.

That means that a man who orders his Big N' Tasty in Ohio, and the woman who wants the Filet O Fish Sandwich in Alabama may place their order with the same person in New Delhi. Chew on that with your side order of fries for a while.

Easter Peeps Show

2006-04-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

Easter is nearly upon us. It is a time to celebrate the resurrection of the son of God... or something like that. It's also a time to celebrate the resurrection of Marshmallow Peeps from what seemed like certain death in the 80s. But they're back and they're breakin' all the rules!

Peeps first hit candy store shelves in 1953. Their popularity has been on a rollercoaster ride ever since. But, it's safe to say that today they've never been more popular. And not just because Peeps fans will consume more than 800,000,000 of the little confections this month alone. No, their popularity is about to soar because of this little photo project that's floating around the internet. It's good to be a Peep.

See the full slide show here.

C.H.i.M.P.S. To Protect And Serve

2006-04-11T14:06:00.000-07:00

Old news is still good news as I always say. Sometime in late 2004 or early 2005, Detective Sean Truelove of the Mesa Police Department in Arizona, made a request to purchase and train a capuchin monkey as a SWAT team member.

"Everybody laughs about it until they really start thinking about it," said Mesa Officer Sean Truelove (aka Crazy Joe), who builds and operates tactical robots for the suburban Phoenix SWAT team. I don't know about you, but I'm still laughing about it.

Capuchin monkeys are considered to be the second smartest primate to the chimpanzee. And they only cost $15,000. Harper's Magazine reported that Truelove believes the monkeys to be the ultimate SWAT reconnaissance tool because "they are not only quick but quiet, and they provide a nonthreatening silhouette. An armed officer is immediately processed as a threat, whereas a monkey would more likely be quickly interpreted as a small animal, such as a cat, and dismissed." How the hell is someone going to dismiss a monkey? In Arizona?

The department was seeking $100,000 in federal grant money over a four year period. No word on approval yet. [B y the way, translate this article in jive for full comedic effect!]

Privacy? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Privacy

2006-04-11T10:07:00.000-07:00

AT&T gave National Security Agency operatives full access to its customers' phone calls and online conversations without any form of warrant, alleges a former AT&T employee cooperating in the Electronic Frontier Foundation's lawsuit against the company.

Mark Klein, a retired AT&T communications technician, came forward last week to support the EFF's lawsuit. The lawsuit, filed last January, alleges that AT&T violated federal and state laws by allowing government employees to illegally monitor private communications via data-collection equipment installed in a secret room in AT&T's San Francisco switching center.

According to Wired Magazine, Klein said he came forward because he does not believe that the Bush administration is being truthful about the extent of its extrajudicial monitoring of Americans' communications. Hmmm. Wonder where he got that idea?

He went on saying, "Despite what we are hearing, and considering the public track record of this administration, I simply do not believe their claims that the NSA's spying program is really limited to foreign communications or is otherwise consistent with the NSA's charter or with FISA. And unlike the controversy over targeted wiretaps of individuals' phone calls, this potential spying appears to be applied wholesale to all sorts of internet communications of countless citizens."

Monday Bonus Blog!

2006-04-10T16:32:00.000-07:00

Here's your Monday bonus blog to help you get your week started on the right foot!

Why Didn't the Democrats Think of This Sooner?

Honey? We're Gonna Need a Bigger Toilet.

2006-04-10T10:44:00.000-07:00

New rings found around Uranus.
Scientists have observed two new outer rings around the planet Uranus; one red, the other blue. The Associated Press has been racking its brains coming up with new jokes about Uranus, but also reported that while Uranus is known to have inner rings of neutral color, the newly discovered outer rings show color contrasts that are believed to be caused by light reflected off particles differing in size from one ring to the other. [Insert joke about hemorrhoids here]

The outermost ring is only the second blue ring to have been observed. Imke de Pater of the University of California at Berkeley reported in the journal Science that the outermost ring is only the second blue ring to have been observed; the other being Saturn's outermost ring. They noted that both of the known blue rings have an embedded moon within them, while the red rings do not. [Conclude with joke about dingleberries here]

China Censors Rolling Stones Playlist

2006-04-07T10:26:00.000-07:00

The Rolling Stones have been ordered not to perform five of their songs at their debut concert in China, but Mick Jagger said Friday he wasn't surprised by the censorship. Guitarist Keith Richards was unavailable for comment as he was recovering from being resurrected after his 43rd overdose on drugs and alcohol.

Four of the five songs cut from the playlist include "Brown Sugar," "Honky Tonk Woman," "Beast of Burden," and "Let's Spend the Night Together," due to their sexually liberal and suggestive nature. Racy stuff there.

Censorship is nothing new for the Stones. In their '67 appearance on "The Ed Sullivan Show," the host forced the band change the lyrics of "Let's Spend the Night Together" to "let's spend some time together." Which as we all know put the kibosh on the in-studio orgy audience members had planned.

Most of the Shanghai tickets are believed to be sold to non-Chinese, according to the local press. According to the L.A. Times, the Shanghai Morning Post's entertainment section headline read, "The Rolling Stones come to Shanghai, but they're only performing for foreigners." Tickets for the show cost between $37 and $370; more than a monthly wage of most Chinese workers.

The Photo You've All Been Waiting For...

2006-04-07T09:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally tracked down the photo you've all been asking about. The article about Pro-Life Britney (hmmmm, that sounds like a Barbie model name: Pro-Life Barbie, only $9.99!) featured the frontal and and portrait views of the sculpture, but was missing the piece de resistance: the photo of the crowning of Britney's baby boy. See full story below.

Now we can all enjoy the full effect of this celebration of the birth of Sean Preston. Observe:

Open Wide and Say "Ow! Goddammit!"

2006-04-06T14:41:00.000-07:00

Scientists announced research that shows people have been going to the dentist since 7000 B.C. Teeth examined from a Neolithic graveyard in Pakistan provide proof that early dental drills made from flint were "surprisingly effective" at removing diseased dental tissue, say anthropologists from the University of Kansas. They went on to say, "Now if we can just get modern dentistry up to speed..."

The research was published in the scientific journal Nature, and featured photos demonstrating how a drill fashioned from flint, a rod, and a bow string might have been utilized nearly 9000 years ago.

After completing research on the ancient teeth, study co-author David Frayer of the University of Kansas responded, "The holes were so perfect, so nice. I showed the pictures to my dentist and he thought they were amazing holes." Somehow, that statement diminishes any confidence I may have had in that dentist.

Snakes on a Motherfucking Plane

2006-04-05T13:41:00.000-07:00

OK, so I'm a little late in reporting this one. When I first saw ripples in the blogosphere about the upcoming film Snakes on a Plane, starring Sammy L. Jackson, I quickly passed it off as a joke. I mean, come on. Snakes on a Plane? With Sammy? But, it turns out it's true. Snakes on a Plane is scheduled to be released by New Line Cinema August 18 of this year.

And here's the plot: Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson) and Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips), FBI agents, escort John Saunders (Mark Houghton), a former mafia member to testify in a highly publicized case. In the course of a flight between Hawaii and California, an assassin releases hundreds of venomous snakes in the hope of killing the witness.

Sounds too good to be true, doesn't it? Wired Magazine featured Snakes on a Plane as "The best worst film of 2006" in January based only on its title and concept. I don't think it's much of a stretch there.

Because of all the buzz, it is rumored that five additional days of re-shooting have been done to sweeten the film from a flaccid PG-13 rating to a more stimulating R rating. Among the reported additions is a line that originated as an Internet parody of Samuel L. Jackson's traditional movie persona: "I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!"

Aaaaaahhh! Now, that's entertainment!

Spears Sculpture Labeled Pro-Life Monument

2006-04-04T14:39:00.000-07:00

I know you think I'm joking. But, I swear it's true. You can't make this stuff up. Artist Daniel Edwards of Moosup, Connecticut, recently completed his sculpture "Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston" that will be shown this month at Capla Kesting Fine Art in Brooklyn's Williamsburg gallery district.

The idealized, pregnant and nude Spears poses on a bear skin rug in what the young kids these days call the "doggie style" position, at the precise moment of birth; baby Preston's head slightly peeks out of Spear's anatomically correct vagina. Next to the work, the Manhattan Right to Life Committee plans to integrate some of their pamphlets. The artist insists that his statue is not anti-abortion, but merely “a sincere tribute to giving birth." And what was the name of the sculpture again? Something's fishy, and it's not Spears' poontang... although...

Gallery co-director, Lincoln Capla explains the Pro-Life bent of the sculpture: "A superstar at Britney's young age having a child is rare in today's celebrity culture. This dedication honors Britney for the rarity of her choice and bravery of her decision." So, Britney is a Pro-Life role model? The same Britney who originally put her own career before family? The same Britney who drives her kids around without car seats? Who has nannies raise her kid? Who dresses in lingerie in her music videos? Who has countless slutty pictures floating around on the web? Who engaged in lesbian kissing on-stage, live? Hmmm. Maybe the Pro-Lifers aren't so bad after all.

The Spears sculpture is the center of a whirlwind of blogging and controversy. One of the more notable blogged comments suggests the sculpture should be re-titled "Shitney takes a shit." They might have something there.

Good Night and Good Luck: A Sincere Synopsis

2006-04-03T09:48:00.000-07:00

Edward R. Murrow, born in 1908, was the quintessential American journalist. He brought integrity and morality into the mix, labelling journalism a gentleman's game. Interestingly, he also pioneered the modern editorial format in news as well. Some would call his editorials rants; others, dictions of conscience. His greatest work is highlighted by a series of TV news reports that helped lead to the censure of Senator Joseph McCarthy, and ultimately the end of the red scare.

George Clooney recently directed "Good Night and Good Luck," a film about Murrow's fight against McCarthy's witch-hunting hysterical xenophobia. The following is transcribed from Murrow's speech at the end of the film. He speaks of the potential of television and its darker reality. Although spoken 40 years ago, his words apply today, particularly with the rise of the Internet. Enjoy:

"...our history will be what we make of it. If we go on as we are then history will take its revenge and retribution will not limp in catching up with us. Just once in a while let us exalt the importance of ideas and information. Let us dream to the extent of saying that on a given Sunday night, a time normally occupied by Ed Sullivan, is given over to a clinical survey of American education. And a week later, at a time normally used by Steve Allen, is devoted to a thorough study of American policy in the Middle East.

Will the corporate image of their sponsors be damaged? Will shareholders rise up in their wrath and complain? Would anything happen, other than a few million people would have received a little illumination on subjests that may well determine the future of this country, and the future of the corporations?

To those who say people wouldn't look; they wouldn't be interested; they're too complacent and indifferent and insulated; I can only reply, "There is considerable evidence against that contention."

And if they are right, then what have they got to lose? Because if they are right and this instrument is good only to entertain, amuse and insulate, then the tube is flickering now and we will soon see that the whole struggle is lost.

This instrument can teach, and yes, it can even inspire. But, it can do so only to the extent that humans are willing to use it toward those ends. Otherwise, it is merely wires and lights in a box. Good night and good luck."

More Murrow Quotes:

Most truths are so naked that people feel sorry for them and cover them up, at least a little bit.

No one can terrorize a whole nation unless we are all his accomplices.

We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. When the loyal opposition dies, I think the soul of America dies with it.

Stunt Forum Special Offer!!!!!!! 1 Day Only!

2006-03-31T13:59:00.000-08:00

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Condo Rice Dazzles Limeys With Devilish Wit and Charm

2006-03-31T11:09:00.000-08:00

Condoleeza Rice is currently touring the UK delivering dazzling speeches to quell complaints about U.S. foreign policy in Iraq. Apparently she has been taking speech lessons from her good friend G. W. Bush.

She has been greeted with hundreds of anti-war protesters at each location, but also some supporters. The latter have been won over to her side with remarks such as, "I know we've made tactical errors - thousands of them, I'm sure." Actually the numbers are 2300+ deaths and 16000+ wounded on the U.S. side, and up to 37000 Iraqi deaths... I mean, tactical errors.

She also enlightened audience members on U.S. policy by saying, "This could have gone that way, or that could have gone this way." Either way, the U.S. invasion of Iraq was "the right strategic decision." Well, that's a relief.

And as a final note in her speech in the town of Blackburn, she urged that "no one should doubt America's commitment to justice and rule of law." Many in the audience felt this to be a direct threat, which could have had something to do with the devil horns she sprouted and fire balls she shot from her eyes.

The Daily Commute: A New Series

2006-03-30T10:31:00.000-08:00

True Stories of the Daily Commute in One Sentence or Less.

I saw a woman in her car driving down the highway on-ramp who made the sign of the cross as she merged with traffic.

Cell Phone Etiquette More Grave Than Ever

2006-03-30T09:23:00.000-08:00

The Future Laboratory, an international trend-spotting thinktank in London, reported recently that more people are taking cell phones inside coffins in case they wake up. The first cases of the trend were noted in Cape Town in South Africa, where some locals fear that witchcraft could be used to put one to sleep and prematurely buried.

The undead community is rolling in their graves. Mugabe Awori, a South African who died long before cell phones became popular, complained, "We can't get any sleep in our coffins. It's ridiculous. People in the coffin next door just yakking away, without a care in the world."

Some funeral parlours will now arrange for phones to be put into coffins with ashes following cremation.

And one service in South Africa will put extra batteries in coffins just in case the dead person wakes up later to find their own battery has died. Separate funerals are not held for the dead batteries.

Tom Jones is Welsh? And a Knight?

2006-03-29T09:37:00.000-08:00

After years of research, I have come to the conclusion that I know nothing about Tom Jones. I've been out of the Tom Jones loop for far too long, and it's high time I got on Sir Tom's bandwagon. So, let's start with what I do know:

He's a white man with a fro.
He's a campy Vegas singer.
He sings that song "It's Not Unusual."
He sang on the soundtrack for the James Bond film Thunderball.
He was in Tim Burton's Mars Attacks!
He wears leather pants.
He's a white man with a fro.

Now, let's see what I don't know about the 65 year old singer:

He's 65. He's Welsh. Born in Pontypridd. He's a Gemini. He does, in fact, have a fro. In December 2005 he was knighted by the Queen of England during the New Year's Honors. That's right. It's Sir Tom to you now. He performed the theme song for What's New Pussycat? And he reportedly fainted while singing the high note of the title song for Thunderball during recording. That's amazing!

He's covered a Prince song. He made an album with Wyclef Jean in 2002. When he performs in Vegas, women throw their panties at him. He picks up the panties and then he wipes his sweaty brow with them. Now, that's a performer! He sang for Mr. and Mrs. Clinton at the Milennium Celebrations. He has a website! It's TomJones.com!

Wow! I still can't get over that he's Welsh. The things you find out on the Internet!

China Bans Transplant Organ Sales

2006-03-28T14:45:00.000-08:00

China announced that it will revoke hospital licences if transplant patients die as part of efforts to clean up its transplant industry. The BBC reported that new regulations published by China's health ministry require donors to give written permission and say transplants should be done only in specialist hospitals. Did you catch that? These are NEW regulations.

Severe organ shortages in the country have spawned a lucrative black market. Nearly two million people in China need transplants each year but only 1% actually receive them. And I'm guessing the 99% side is not made up of the wealthy demographic.

Human rights groups allege that many "donated" organs come from executed prisoners, including those who may not have given their permission. The Associated Press reported Tuesday that China's foreign ministry admitted that organs from prisoners were used, but said it was only in "a very few cases" and with the "express permission" of the convict. Makes me wonder what they mean by "express."

Side note: Organdonor.gov lists "myths and facts" about organ donorship. One of them is:
Myth: Donation will disfigure my body.

Fact: Organs and tissues are removed in procedures similar to surgery. An open casket funeral is possible after donation.

What the hell do they mean by "similar" to surgery? I may have to remove the Donor?Yes sticker on my license.

Monday Bonus Blog!

2006-03-27T11:29:00.000-08:00

Monday's a tough day. I'm feeling it today, especially because I've got friends from out-of-town visiting while I'm stuck at work. So, to brighten things up a bit I thought I'd post a bonus blog entry. It's human interest, so it's bound to put a smile on your face... or maybe two...

Two-headed Girl Dies From Infection
An Egyptian girl who survived an operation to remove a second head died from a brain infection this weekend. The condition, known as craniopagus parasiticus, is one of the rarest forms of birth defects. Doctors in Cairo operated on Manar in February 2005, when she was just 10 months old. She died, at the age of two, after being rushed to hospital with a fever.

The second head contained eyes, a nose and a mouth, but was not connected to any internal organs and was not capable of independent thought. Her second head could smile and blink, but could not survive independently.

Welcome Back, Kotter Remake Stars Ice Cube

2006-03-27T10:46:00.000-08:00

Yes. You read that right. According to Variety, Ice Cube has signed on to star in and produce Welcome Back, Kotter. Cube says he's, "very excited to be able to put a new twist on it." These "twists" are likely to include pointing gats in students' faces and threats of "putting a cap in yo' ass, whitey" as disciplinary measures. The rapper/actor has inked a deal with Dimension Films, the company that will be releasing Kotter. Production is expected to begin this fall with Tom Brady ("The Hot Chick," "The Animal") in final negotiations to direct and write the script.

Cube will assume the role of the wisecracking teacher who returns to the rough inner-city high school from which he graduated. There he encounters the next generation of unruly, underprivileged troublemakers — who are as apathetic about education as he once was. Cube is expected to pepper the script with lyrics from his songs such as, "Today was a good day in class. I didn't have to use my AK," and others.

In the original series, Mr. Kotter was played by Gabe Kaplan. Travolta played Vinnie Barbarino, the leader of a gang of students nicknamed the "Sweathogs."

Beastie Boys Premier "Awesome" Documentary on Steve and Mandy's 6 Month Anniversary

2006-03-24T09:25:00.000-08:00

It's my 6 month wedding anniversary. I know, pretty sweet, huh? Make checks payable to Steve Lemig and Mandy Meng. Thanks. Anyway, last night we were trying to figure out what to do to celebrate. We settled on dinner and a movie. There's a lot of good movies out - or at least movies that we've been meaning to see, so it sounded like a good idea. But then, during my search for the perfect anniversary date movie I saw, "An Awesome Night With Beastie Boys" was playing at the theater. I freaked out. So, I called Mandy back to tell her what I had found. Not sure how she would react, I started off slow. "Um, well, there's Failure to Launch at 7:45... Match Point at 8... She's the Man at 8:05... V for Vendetta at 8:05... And Beastie Boys at 8." I rushed through the last one. Long story short we went to see the B-Boys. I know, I've got the best one. Anyway, here's what went down:

Thursday, March 23, The Beastie Boys premiered their documentary, "Awesome: I Fuckin' Shot That!" in theatres nationwide for a special one-night only viewing. Awesome was directed by Beastie member MCA under the guise of Nathanial Hornblower, a curly, red-headed Swiss/German/Austrian in lederhosen whose accent slips from French to Swiss to German to New Yorker. Production of Awesome was picked up by THINKFilm. The documentary was filmed by 50 random fans with mini video cameras during a sold-out October 2004 Beastie Boys concert in New York's Madison Square Garden. Mike D, Adrock, MCA, Mix Master Mike, Money Mark, Doug E. Fresh and others were all there to raise the roof on the Garden.

The one-night only event also featured a 30-minute short film created specifically for the show called "A Day In The Life of Nathanial Hornblower." According to Mark Urman, THINKFilm Head of Theatrical, the accompanying mini-movie "will self-destruct right after it is presented on March 23rd, never to be seen again." I didn't notice that per se.

The grainy, often distant, and shaky footage of Awesome captures many of the nuances of the concert-goer's experience that aren't seen in music documentaries. Beer runs, trips to the bathroom, arguing with security to get backstage, joint passing, glances at the hottie dancing next to you. Like Italian spices in Prego, it's in there.

Some of the best moments captured on the doc were shots of the lit-up Gazebo with the entire band in silver retro prom tuxes, Doug E. Fresh's beatboxing, and of course, Money Mark's unbridled excitement expressed in a barage of handstands on the keyboard. Those who saw the B-Boys in 2004 know how they tried to liven up the encore ritual by randomly appearing in stairwells throughout the venue. Awesome catches them in between encore songs as they run down hallways and take elevators (complete with elevator music). Fucking hilarious stuff.

Overall: great piece of film. A lot of fun. Check out the website here: Awesome; I Fuckin' Shot That!

MTV, Rolling Stone Team for Exciting Reality Show

2006-03-23T09:56:00.000-08:00

MTV and Rolling Stone magazine have joined forces to produce a new reality show that pits amateur journalists against each other as they compete for a one-year staff position. The L.A. Times headlines the story as a search for the next Hunter S. Thompson. Somehow I have a hard time imagining a young Hunter wanting to be a contestant on this show.

"The series will capture the drama and excitement of the fast-paced world of Rolling Stone," said Lois Curren, executive vice president of MTV programming. Riiiiight. She went on to say, "Rolling Stone has long been an incubator for top journalists, which makes this an amazing opportunity for aspiring writers" ...to get coffee for the senior staff members?

The show is expected to premier later this year after its taping in New York City from June to August. And, just like L. Ron Hubbard's reincarnation, I can't wait.

Shocker: South Park Deemed Insensitive to Religion

2006-03-22T09:45:00.000-08:00

Chef Quits South Park Because of Show's Insensitivity to Religion
Isaac Hayes, the voice of the South Park character "Chef," has left the show after 10 seasons because of its recent satirising of religion. The recent episode made fun of the Church of Scientology, to which Hayes belongs.

Hayes left South Park last week, saying the show was insensitive to "personal spiritual beliefs". Hayes went on to say, "There is a place in this world for satire but there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry toward religious beliefs begins."

Uh. Has he been watching the same show that EVERY other person on the planet who watches the show has seen? Co-creator Matt Stone said, "In 10 years and over 150 episodes of South Park, Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslims, Mormons or Jews. He got a sudden case of religious sensitivity when it was his religion featured on the show."

In the episode in question entitled "Trapped in the Closet," one of the gang, Stan, does so well on a Scientology test that church followers think he's the next L. Ron Hubbard, the late science-fiction writer who founded Scientology. Scientologists believe Hubbard will be reincarnated to rejoin his flock.

Uh-huh. I can't wait.

Evel Kanyevel Not Evel Knievel Either

2006-03-20T13:49:00.000-08:00

Imposter Evel Kanyevel Admits SteveL Knievel The Man
OK. I openly admit it. I'm not Evel Knievel. See my first post. It's clearly stated. But, Kanye West is way more not Evel Knievel than I am. But, there he is... floundering away in front of all his fans in Knievel stars and stripes in his new music video "Touch the Sky." Not even Pamela Anderson's appearance can save the performance. The video, directed by Chris Milk, is a parody of Evel Knievel's 1974 attempt to jump the Snake River Canyon in his rocket-propelled Skycycle. And just as Mr. Knievel failed to make it across, so too does "Kanyevel" fail in his attempt at one-up-manship with the real SteveL Knievel.

There can only be one fake Evel Knievel, Kanye. Close, but no cigar, pal.

See the trailer here. Or see the full video aqui.

Bush Displays Debating Wizardry During 3rd Anniversary of Iraq War

2006-03-20T09:34:00.000-08:00

This past weekend marked the third anniversary of the war in Iraq. While speaking to the press, President Bush, Vice President Cheney, and General George W. Casey Jr. painted their usually rosy picture of the situation; this in stark contrast to former interim prime minister Ayad Allawi's assessment of the war. The conversation went something like this:

Allawi: Civil war has begun in Iraq.
Bush: No it hasn't. In fact, I'm encouraged by the progress toward forming a "unity government" in Iraq.

Allawi: Iraq is nearing a "point of no return" in regards to the impending civil war.
General Casey: No we're not. We're a long way off from civil war.

Allawi: We are losing each day, as an average, 50 to 60 people throughout the country, if not more. If this is not civil war, then God knows what civil war is.
Cheney: Naw. Not really. That's just the media creating a different perception of the true situation in Iraq with vivid imagery of killing.

Media: The Iraq war has taken more than 2,300 American lives, and those of 33,000 to 37,000 Iraqis.
Bush: What Cheney said. Just vivid imaginary killing.

Well, I'm convinced! Sounds like everything is going just fine.

Bacteria Bent On World Domination Now Have Map

2006-03-17T09:19:00.000-08:00

U.S. scientists have created the world's smallest map of the Americas out of strands of DNA. The wee-tiny map measures a few hundred nanometers across requiring an incredibly powerful microscope to view it... which makes it the perfect reference for bacteria and other micro-organisms thinking about world domination.

The researchers, working from the California Institute of Technology in Pasadena, made long strands of DNA that could be folded back and forth, tracing virtually any pattern they want. The team of scientists have created several shapes including a square, triangle, five-pointed stars, and smiley faces.

Erik Winfree, Caltech's Assistant Professor of Computer Science and Computation and Neural Systems, said that he can create about 50 billion smiley faces in a typical reaction. He said he believes this is the most concentrated happiness ever created... That is unless microscopic despots use the technology to take over the world!

Simpsons Redux

2006-03-16T14:08:00.000-08:00

I didn't realize that the Simpson's video link I posted previously didn't work. So, here's your chance to see it for reals. Click here to see the real Simpsons.

Bats and Cats Get Poo End of Stick in Battle

2006-03-16T09:35:00.000-08:00

Animals pretty much got the poo end of the stick when the Bible and many other religious texts gave humans dominion over their fate. And as with all forms power, humans take it a little too far. Take for example, animal-use in warfare.

Animals have been used in warfare since domestication. Horses, elephants, lions, hawks and others have all been employed to fight the good fight. In the case of the cavalry, at least the horses experienced some sense of dignity when being used to lead a valiant charge into battle. Others have not been so distinguished.

During WWII, the U.S. military attached incendiaries to bats which were then induced into hibernation and dropped from planes. The idea was they would wake up, fly into factories and other buildings, and blow up. Instead, they failed to wake from hibernation and fell to their deaths.

Also during WWII, bombs were attached to cats which were dropped from planes onto or near Nazi ships. The theory here was that cats, hating water, would wrangle themselves onto the enemy ship's deck and explode. In tests, the cats passed out from fright in the air, followed by a similar demise as their winged counterparts.

In Vietnam, dolphins were trained to tear off diving gear from Vietcong divers and drag them to interrogation. Syringes were placed on dolphin flippers to inject carbon dioxide into enemy divers. More failure here.

Dogs were also used in Vietnam to sniff out land mines and booby traps. While many human lives were saved by the tactic, no purple hearts were given to the few survivors. In the current war in Iraq, Morocco offered the U.S. military 2000 specially trained monkeys whose sole purpose is to detonate land mines. There is no confirmation whether the U.S. military accepted the offer.

Today, The Pentagon wants to create an army of cyber-insects that can be remotely controlled to check out explosives and send transmissions from the field. The idea is to insert micro-systems at the pupa stage, when the insects can integrate them into their body, so they can be remotely controlled later. I'm not making this stuff up. The people coming up with these ideas rule the world. I guess that explains a lot.

Saddam Tries Hand At Stand-Up Comedy

2006-03-15T09:45:00.000-08:00

Former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein began his first formal defense at trial this week for crimes against humanity. Saddam used his time on the stand to launch his budding career as a standup comedian. He appeared in court wearing his patented dark suit, white shirt and no tie.

Members of the audience said they knew it was going to be a hilarious show when Saddam began his routine saying, "I am still the head of state." The audience rolled on the floor. His follow-up line of, "You will live in darkness and rivers of blood," was met with uproarious laughter throughout the courtroom/club. And finally, when the judge reminded Saddam that this was, in fact, a courtroom where he was being tried for the deaths of 148 people in the Shia village of Dujail following a 1982 assassination attempt, Saddam replied, "Had it not been for politics, I wouldn't be here." The audience gave him a standing ovation. How could they not?

Blog For Sale. $580 Million OBO.

2006-03-14T10:38:00.000-08:00

Matt Richtel reported in the New York Times today that "Hungry Media Companies Find a Meager Menu of Web Sites to Buy." I take offense to that statement. Obviously, they haven't taken notice of the SteveL Knievel Stunt Forum. Am I right?

I mean, what else could you possibly want from a website that you can't find here at the Stunt Forum? We've got sex, violence, controversial issues such as abortion, politics, humor and more. All the things that a popular online forum should have.

While media companies may feel they have a slimmer menu of sites to purchase, their hunger is by no means satiated yet. Myspace.com was purchased recently for $580 million. iVillage was purchased for $600 million. Bankrate.com is valued at $560 million. And the SteveL Knievel Stunt Forum was recently valued at well over $2. Pretty serious business for websites that started with little or no capital to begin with. I guess website acquisition has become the new lottery. Everyone's looking to make a quick buck...

Of course, I wouldn't turn down half a billion dollars. So, that being said, any large media companies looking to purchase the SteveL Knievel Stunt Forum can make the check out to "Steve Lemig." Not "Leming." "L-e-m-i-g." No "n." Only offers over $500 million will be considered. Thanks.

5 Tips for Dodging Paparazzi

2006-03-10T09:47:00.000-08:00

In the short time that I've been doing this blog I've become quite the celebrity. I know. It happens. I'm not complaining...that much. There are many perks to being a famous blogger. For instance, when I cross the street the little green guy and the flashing red hand last just a little bit longer. Fewer people flip me off on the highway when I cut them off. It's nice. But, it is true what they say about about the paparazzi. Man, those guys are relentless. So, I did a little research. And I came upon this article in the L.A. Times. It's headlined, "Paparazzi Dodging Do's and Don'ts." And let me tell you; it is informative. See for yourself:

Paparazzi Dodging Do's and Don'ts
As told by Robert Mann, Director of Global Operations Worldwide Intelligence Network, a security and intelligence agency that has worked protecting celebrities for over 40 years.

1. Don't let anything become a habit. Never do the same routine everyday or you'll become a sitting duck for them.

2. Rent a car. If you want to go out and you don't want to be seen, leave your house in a car unfamiliar to the paparazzi -- preferably one with tinted windows.

3. Plan a backdoor exit. At a boutique or beauty salon or restaurant, or even at a shopping mall it is usually advisable to plan a back door exit just in case there is an informant there. Once you've escaped, a taxi, or a friend, or security personnel can pick you up and drive you to your car.

4. Get somebody to scope out the scene before you arrive. If it's not a good day, or you haven't been to the beauty salon for a while, and you REALLY don't want to be photographed, hire a security professional to see if there are any paparazzi lolling around your destination before you get there. We can even lure them by driving the car they are accustomed to seeing, with a female wearing a wig. (Yes, we've done that).

5. Try to be as impromptu as possible. Any plan you make in advance is going to leak.

Follow these five steps and you'll be back on the road to anonymity! In one day I've already noticed a difference. I think you will too!

Wal-Mart is Awesome! I Shop There Daily For Their Low, Low Prices.

2006-03-09T09:45:00.000-08:00

Wal-Mart has been a major target over the last couple of years for less than commendable business practices including outsourcing issues, unfair employee health insurance, and unfair competition with local business. With all the bad publicity the company has received they've been trying new ways to improve their image.

The New York Times recently reported that a Wal-Mart public relations firm has taken to using bloggers to spread good, kind words about the company on their respective blogs. It's a grassroots effort - guerilla marketing, as they say. Wal-Mart is increasingly looking beyond the mainstream media and working directly with bloggers, feeding them exclusive nuggets of news, suggesting topics for postings and even inviting them to visit its corporate headquarters. Some bloggers have even posted information word for word from Wal-Mart. There are even rumors that Wal-Mart is hacking into blogs and rewriting bloggers' negative comments to reflect a more positive image for the company.

Now, that really pisses me ofIn response to allegations that the company hasn't offered employees sufficient health insurance, Wal-Mart CEO Lee Scott recently pledged to, "travel to any state capital to talk with any governor. The only thing I ask is that we talk about real solutions to the health care challenges facing working families." Scott's pledge came after he offered a preview of comprehensive improvements to Wal-Mart's benefits that will be rolled out in the coming months. Mr. Scott also discussed Wal-Mart's in-store clinic pilot program and announced the company's plan to open 50 more clinics this year.

Wal-Mart rules.

Record Number of South Dakota Women to Vacation in Mexico

2006-03-08T09:37:00.000-08:00

How is it that women in a first world country have less rights as citizens than those of a second or third world country? That's rhetorical, of course. But, it still baffles. Mexican officials said yesterday they would pay a legal settlement to a 19 year old woman who was prevented from having an abortion after being raped at the age of 13. The decision is hailed by women's rights groups worldwide as a landmark victory as it affirms the right of an abortion to Mexican women who are victims of violence.

In related news, South Dakota Governor Michael Rounds recently signed a bill confronting Roe V. Wade, the 1973 U.S. Supreme Court decision that legalized abortion. The state bill makes abortion a felony except in cases where the woman's life is endangered. The bill does not protect women's right to abortion who are victims of rape, incest, or habitual violence.

If a rape victim becomes pregnant, the rapist would have the same rights to the child as the mother, said Krista Heeren-Graber, executive director of the South Dakota Network Against Family Violence and Sexual Assault.

"The idea the rapist could be in the child's life ... makes the woman very, very fearful. Sometimes they need to have choice," Heeren-Graber said. Other states including Ohio and Mississippi are expected to follow suit shortly.

Help protect women's rights. Go to Planned Parenthood's website to learn more.

Note to readers: Next article will be funnier. I promise.

Still Evolving After All These Years

2006-03-07T09:12:00.000-08:00

The New York Times reported today that a recent study at the University of Chicago has provided the strongest evidence yet that humans are still evolving. Researchers have detected some 700 regions of the human genome where genes appear to have been reshaped by natural selection, a principal force of evolution, within the last 5,000 to 15,000 years.

The genes that show this evolutionary change include some responsible for the senses of taste and smell, digestion, bone structure, skin color and brain function. Many of these instances of selection may reflect the pressures that came to bear as people abandoned their hunting and gathering way of life for settlement and agriculture, a transition well under way in Europe and East Asia some 5,000 years ago.

The finding adds substantially to the evidence that human evolution did not grind to a halt in the distant past, as is assumed by many social scientists. Even evolutionary psychologists, who interpret human behavior in terms of what the brain evolved to do, hold that the work of natural selection in shaping the human mind was completed in the pre-agricultural past, more than 10,000 years ago.

"There is ample evidence that selection has been a major driving point in our evolution during the last 10,000 years, and there is no reason to suppose that it has stopped," said Jonathan Pritchard, a population geneticist at the University of Chicago who headed the study.

In response to the study, Republicans and Christians of many sects have debunked the entire evolution theory saying, "We havent' evolved since God put us here on Earth." Nobody's arguing that point.

The Daily Show Hosts Spoof Oscars - Oh, Wait - That Was Real?

2006-03-06T09:50:00.000-08:00

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart's tagline, "One anchor, five correspondents, zero credibility," could very well have been the tagline for last night's Oscars. Overall, the event that nearly 50 million Americans tuned in to felt more like an evening watching The Daily Show than a night at the Oscars. We were even treated to a series of clever, fake Oscar campaign ads voiced by Comedy Central correspondant Stephen Colbert.

All jokes aside, this was a competitive year for the Oscars with many powerful and politically charged films in the mix including Brokeback Mountain, Crash (winner of Best Picture), Hustle and Flow, Munich, Syriana, Good Night and Good Luck, Capote, Walk the Line, Transamerica, and North Country.

One question though, did I actually hear "Crash" producer Cathy Schulman thank "my husband, my wife" in her best picture acceptance speech? I'm not a gossiper, but, anybody got the dirt on this one?

Bush Scolds Antarctican Government For Not Replacing Melted Ice

2006-03-03T10:08:00.000-08:00

Yet another recent study of melting ice patterns in Antarctica shows that the ice sheets are melting faster than it can grow. The Los Angeles Times reported today that researchers at the University of Colorado determined that between 2002 and 2005 Antarctica lost ice at a rate of 36 cubic miles a year, rather than growing from heavier snowfalls as had been predicted.

Research has shown that portions of the Antarctic coast are 4.5 degrees Fahrenheit warmer than 60 years ago. Those same areas have lost an estimated 5,500 square miles of ice in the last 30 years, calving icebergs the size of Belgium and Rhode Island. In 2002, an entire ice shelf collapsed into the sea.

But the latest research signals a greater loss of ice across the entire continent — an amount equal to more than 13% of the annual sea level rise measured in recent years, the researchers said. The shrinkage is concentrated in the West Antarctic Ice Sheet, which has enough fresh water to raise sea levels more than 20 feet.

In response to the findings, President Bush condemned the Antarctican government saying that the loss of the polar ice cap is their fault. When told that Antarctica has no government of its own, Bush blamed America's outsourcing U.S. jobs to foreign countries such as India and China. When reminded that he, in fact, supports the outsourcing of American jobs, Bush denied ever supporting such a policy. When told that he is currently in Pakistan discussing outsourcing issues, Bush excused himself to go to the bathroom.

Finally, the End of the World is Here

2006-03-02T11:02:00.000-08:00

It's tough being on a mission from God. Very labor-intensive stuff. Katherine Albrecht, the influential consumer advocate, is employed full-time by the man upstairs. Her job? To warn fellow Christians that the end of the world is fast approaching. The culprit is always the mark of the beast. What that mark is exactly seems to change every other month. This month Albrecht is pointing her steely finger at radio frequency identification in the form of implantable computer chips.

Her latest book, The Spychips Threat: Why Christians Should Resist RFID and Electronic Surveillance, explains that if RFID technology becomes popular in the form of cashless payment devices such as VeriChips, Jesus will be knockin' on your door shortly. Albrecht relates that a passage in Revelation describes a vision in which "a foul and loathsome sore came upon the men who had the mark of the beast and those who worshiped his image." She continues, "Interestingly, an implanted RFID device like the VeriChip could potentially cause such a tormenting sore if it is subjected to a strong source of electromagnetic radiation, such as a directed energy weapon."

Perhaps she has been beamed by such a device a few too many times.